Gaming poems :)

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Darryl B.
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Gaming poems :)

Postby Darryl B. » Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:39 pm

Upon getting a couple of flash drives and doing MAJOR cleanup with stuff (junk on two hard drives, two CD-Rs and 3" floppies, the latter are all done with and tossed away :) ), I ran across these (mostly Atari 2600) poems, although calling them 'literature' is a bit of a stretch :P

If the title isn't at the beginning it'll be in the poem itself, except for a few obvious ones that most should know.

Some are kind of juvenile, but oh well, take 'em or leave 'em! They're short, at least!


"Defender", my ass
Plays nothing like the arcade
Why, oh why, I wonder
Do I keep on pressing reset...

***

Tunnel Runner

Why do I Run through these Tunnels?
Why do these disembodied heads
Want me as their lunch?

Go to McDonalds

***

Missile Commanding

Unending white streaks
Of enemy missiles
Rain down, like the
Damn pigeons
Who poop on my car.

***

Space Invaders
Endlessly marching
Constantly shooting
Go back to Mars.

***

A Combat Cry

My kingdom
My kingdom for a tank!
I will win this time
If I would quit getting hit

***

An enchanted chalice
A square warrior
A pointy "sword"
Dragons look like ducks

Yeah, right

***

Freeway

Why oh why
Did the chicken
Cross the road?
To get a high score
To kick David Crane's ass
And to hopefully peck him to death

***

Elllliot, Elllliot!
Must phone home
Get me out of this pit!
This wasn't in the movie

***

Zachary Graves was
A mean old man
As I search through
His Haunted House
He keeps on chasing me

I think stress killed him.

***

Hear the cry from underground!
As a H. E. R. O. activates
His laser, his prop-pack
Blows up walls, flies to
Rescue miners
It all makes you wonder
How they got down there
In the first place

Morons.

***

Jam it, slam it!
Ram It!
Shooting the colorful bars
Racks up my score
Trapped again, died
Damn it

***

Pitfall Harry
Running, swinging
Through the jungle
Makes you wonder
What the hell a "cobra rattler" is...

Pitfall 2

Harry returns!
I run with bats!
I use balloons!
I swim with eels!
I'm grounding Rhonda

***

I'm storming barns
Stupid geese
I must be insured...

***

Beat 'em and Eat 'em
This game is sick
Keep it away
From NE146

Oops, too late :) (note: he's on the Atari Age forums and has the guy from that game as his avatar)

***

Basketball

Running up an ugly court
Big pixelated noses
I just wonder where
The hell
The rest of my team is

***

Superman flies
Catches Luther
Uses x-ray vision
To look through
Lois' clothes

***

Crackpots

Stupid bugs
Eating my building
But can't eat my pots!
Should've bought Raid
And I'm going to kill
My landlord

***

Mad bomber
Dropping bombs
I catch them
I need hazard pay

***

Megamania

I'm supposedly shooting at
Hamburgers, dice
Steam irons, bow ties
Or so the instructions claim

***

Seaquest

I must rescue divers
Shoot subs, avoid trollers
A shark catches a diver
Pushes him offscreen
To gum him to death...

***

Curse the Mindmaster!
He captured me
Placed me in a maze

Watches me move
Has he absolutely
Nothing better to do?

Get another hobby

***

Boxing

Two people with
A head, two arms
And no legs
Duke it out

Whatever.

***

Fighting through Demons
To get the Diamonds
For my snooty girlfriend
Is it worth it?

Bitch

***

Dragonfire

In order to get the treasures
I must dodge his fire
One hit and I go down
Boy, his breath stinks

***

Catching Fish
In an artficial Derby
Go do it for real
You stupid lazy couch potato

***

Football

Giant fridge-like players
Bash each others' skulls in
But without the millions of bucks
Serves them right

***

Journey Escape

Weird pixelated run
Avoiding managers
If it looked real
With the groupies
This game would be x-rated

***

I must get my girl
Through this Jungle, Hunt
To save her from cannibals
I have fallen
Someone greased my grapevine

Asshole.

***

King Kong rolls bombs
I jump *over* bombs
This game WAS a bomb

The irony.

***

My Luggage is Lost
I must catch them all
I must not allow one to fall

Or everyone shall see
My underwear

I hope it's clean

***

Maze Craze

Running through a crazy Maze
Oh, this is a bit of fun
Now the screen's blinking like mad
Was this game left out in the sun?

***

Name This Game?
How about "Crap"?

***

No Escape
From tiles falling
On peoples' heads
I must have
A hell of a lawyer

***

The legend of the Phoenix:
I shoot them, they reappear
Constantly
Stupid birds
Must be sadomasicists

***

Pigs in Space?
I'd rather my pigs
Be on my plate
Mmmm bacon.

***

Popeye

Why are Bluto and Popeye
Constantly fighting over
A stupid skinny twig?
They must be
Really desperate

***

Giant mutant housefly
Battles against
The Quotile
Who becomes
A fireball
Yeah, that makes sense...

***

I am roping up
The Stampede
With my lasso
But without the smell

***

Super Cobra
Not too super
Scrolling not good
Next.

***

I'm Climbing like Crazy
Avoiding the mad doctors
I guess they're mad
Because they were sued
For Malpractice
And because
They were rejected
As the Crackpots guy

***

Centipede

Damn the bugs,
Damn the bugs!
Go harass
Some other elf

***

Broken controllers,
Broken controllers,
Broken controllers,
Everywhere I look.

Damn Activision Decathelon

***

It's like Breakout
And then Chess
As I kill their kings
And piss off my friends
I love Warlords.

***

Doom

There's trouble near Mars
"Something friggin' evil" has emerged
All communications are lost
Get a cell phone

One tough Marine, dispatched
To kick evil butt
To avenge his friends' deaths
Don't even TELL me what kind of day to have...

As his ship touches down
He hears the evil growls
Makes him wonder what the hell happened
To the huge military budget

Since all he has is the one crappy pistol

See! The evil abound!
Hear! The evil dead!
Shoot! Until they move no more!
I want my bunny rabbit...

Now I have been shot up
Thank god for kevlar
Oh look! A life-saving blue sphere!
Increase my health!

BURP!

Oh look, a former (jerk) sargeant I hated
Now he's out for blood
So I mow him down
Made me clean toilets, eh?

And there's also former soldiers
Now they're zombies
They have green hair
Time for a haircut!

And now there's a chomping demon
Chomp chomp, like an evil Pac-Man
Trying to bite me, eh?
Bite THIS! (bang, thud)

And now there's the Barons
Half demon, half goat
Whatever; they're wearing no pants
So down they'll go!

And those Imps!
They look like turds
So like all the others before them
Down the toilet they shall also go...

Now, upgrading my weapons
As do my adversaries
Oh my, what big, lovely teeth you have, grandma
But I've now got a big f***ing gun

Smile bitch!

Well, I have won, I guess
But is it *really* over?
Of course it isn't
id will just do another sequel...
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Rob
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Re: Gaming poems :)

Postby Rob » Sun Dec 27, 2009 2:02 am

Aw man, this is classic! You have a literary gift, my friend.

Broken controllers,
Broken controllers,
Broken controllers,
Everywhere I look.

Damn Activision Decathelon


ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's all I can think about when I see that game. I literally made my cousin break down in tears when I handed his favorite joystick back to him with a broken pivot.

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Darryl B.
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Re: Gaming poems :)

Postby Darryl B. » Sun Dec 27, 2009 1:38 pm

Rob wrote:Aw man, this is classic! You have a literary gift, my friend.


Thanks :D I had fun with this...years ago! Funny to bring it up here only just now.

Rob wrote:That's all I can think about when I see that game. I literally made my cousin break down in tears when I handed his favorite joystick back to him with a broken pivot.


Oh no!

Yes, that game was a definite controller killer!
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